Is an emotional affair grounds for dishonorable discharge in military?
I have been married 20 years. My husband (Sr. Chief) in reserves had "emotional affair" he says for 6 mo with my friend. While going to marriage counselling, he started talking and texting with a different woman who was in his batallion. I called her, very nicely, and told her that she was aware that we were havig problems in our marriage re; the 1st woman, and that I did not appreciate her and my husband texting back and foirth with flirty text messages and leaving messages on his cell phone etc (wish you were her – dare you getting along ok driving in traffice (he has been driving for 30 yrs), when are we going to meet for dinner, was I a bad date – haven’t heard from you, etc).
After I asked her "from one married woman to another and from a military family that is facing stress due to another upcoming deployment, I want it to stop – I didn’t chat with her husband and flirt with him – expected the same from her. My husband is a much higher rank than her.
Needless to say the texting, flirting, meeting for drinks while at drill weekend, etc continued. He is now divorcing me 
and does not want to work things out because he would rather be right than honest – this war has really changed him and devestated our family.
Why do I have no re-course for this? Is this "unbecoming of a soldier"/ What happened to Military families supporting military families? My kids are shocked and heartbroke=n, but m husband said if I tell his commander, he will just "laugh" at me. I don’t want to be a bitch, but feel like I did my 23 years supporting him in the military, running his business while he was deployed, caring for his children while he was galavanting around on drill weekend. Why does this go unpunished? Is there any recourse? Or would I have to have proof it was physical?
This may be hard for you to understand, but they are military personnel, not slaves, they have the same rights as someone in civilian life. Unless the affair is between a commissioned officer and enlisted personnel, or the affair is coerced, the military won’t involve itself.
I will add, that it sounds as if you are better off without him. He doesn’t exactly sound like the military poster child. Go see a competent attorney that has experience dealing with the military. You need to make sure that the child support is deducted from his pay each month and sent directly to you.
This may be hard for you to understand, but they are military personnel, not slaves, they have the same rights as someone in civilian life. Unless the affair is between a commissioned officer and enlisted personnel, or the affair is coerced, the military won’t involve itself.
I will add, that it sounds as if you are better off without him. He doesn’t exactly sound like the military poster child. Go see a competent attorney that has experience dealing with the military. You need to make sure that the child support is deducted from his pay each month and sent directly to you.
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Without physical proof, you cannot get him in trouble. The most your proof can do is possibly cause his commander to order him to cease contact with the other woman until the divorce with you is final. Physical proof of an affair would be pictures or video of them in the act, a pregnancy with DNA evidence showing that he is the father (although the military can’t order a civilian to submit to a DNA test for the purpose of charging someone with adultery), or a verbal confession.
Barring my first paragraph, you have to consider the possible outcome of your motive for revenge. What would you do if your husband was a civilian? If you called his boss and told him he was cheating chances are he would tell you that is between you and your husband. Also, if you did get him in trouble and he was court-martialed then there goes his retirement, something you might be able to get a portion of due to the amount of time you was married to him.
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Actually having an affair may be considered immoral conduct by the military. I would tell his commander to at bare minimum embarrass him.
But your real recourse is in the divorce proceedings. If I were you I’d make it as hard and painful as I could. Don’t let that SOB get away with using you and then throwing you out like yesterdays newspaper!
My advice. Call an attorney used to dealing with military and get your half!
Good luck!
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I’m not going to be much help to your main question, I just wanted to say I’m sorry and my heart goes out to you. I’ve been a military wife for a very loooong year. My husband and I are new to the military, and marriage, and I never realized it was going to be as hard as it has been.
As far as I know, it has to be physical. I would contact an attorney who works with military divorces to get a sturdy answer. They would know more than anyone on the internet.
God bless you and your family. I hope everything works out for you.
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If the chief was seeing or flirting with a junior troop in his unit it can lead to a dishonorable discharge for fratinization… If I understand the information above he was seeing or conducting improper actions with a junior troop and/or with a married woman not his wife. That is also grounds for him to be disiplined if the JAG wants to push it for conduct unbecoming a senior NCO. Proof is the problem. If you cant prove improper advances or any type of contact, then there is no issue and the JAG will not open the case.
Other issues at hand is that if he is charged and convicted his retirement is gone, but if he is able to retire then understand you have a right to part of it because you were married to him for over 20 years in the military.
You have a right to contact the JAG and discuss options, but I would keep it under my hat until you do to avoid and problems. Another option is get a good Lawyer with a good military law knowledge and take the fight to him financially in the divorce.
Good Luck!
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no its not grounds for discharge, but it is grounds for divorce.
what you should be aware of is the high level of infidelity within the forces with the guise of ‘what goes on tour, stays on tour’ unfortunately you got a bad one.
stop trying to make him pay and leave him while you still have ur mind. the military dont overly care about past-times as long as the jobs done and it doesnt involve illegal activities.
im sorry but thats just it.
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